____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
stop calling my apartment porn island.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
