When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses youâ€
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
