I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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