How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
we made out on top of his cat.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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