But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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