you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
