Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
You don't make any sense
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