Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
