i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
