my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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