Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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