It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
