And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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