I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
