It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
