Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
