the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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