they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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