you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
