She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
