im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
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