If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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