I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
