Got a toothbrush?
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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