i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
