i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
