Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
