She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Randomize
