she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
