I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
home. puking in laundry basket.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
