It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
