Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
