Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I just pynch a tree in the face
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
