I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Your topless pictures make me question reality
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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