Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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