Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I didn't notice because vodka
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Randomize
