Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
