I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
