OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
