Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
