you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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