Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Randomize
