The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
