you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
There r osticjed everywhere
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
