All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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