then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
