Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Randomize
