I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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