he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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