Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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