I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
