He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
